Burning Bridges: Is it Selfish?
Bonds and Relationships are results of the human condition wanting to socialize with each other, it is not only a want, but also a need. Humans are social creatures, just like how animals make packs, humans need each other to sustain a society that works for their benefit.
These benefits can result in ever lasting friendships, lovers, colleagues, and family ties. It builds from the ground up, from acquaintances to something you hold close.
We, as humans, also want to reap the benefits of what we sow. We have built these relationships from the ground up and we want to take advantage of this as much as we can. From gaining material fortune, sharing sentimental feelings with someone to something much deeper. These feelings become something we are used to and something we maintain so that the relationship does not falter, nor break. We work too hard for it after all.
But alas, nothing is perfect, and sometimes relationships don’t last. Colleagues can work for another company, friendships fall, breakups push former couples away and many more shortcomings. It can happen to the best of us and can even happen because of us or them.
We like the advantages that we had during our relationships, so of course, we try to reconcile and start all over again, and we’re a bit wiser than before. But depending on how the relationship fell in the first place, this can actually show us whether rekindling it is worth it or not.
Many relationships wear and tear, before it’s finally dropped because of unfortunate circumstances. It could be eithers fault, and worse if we’re the reason that it happened. But there are times when we’re not the one that stoked the flame and it’s the other side instead.
Many think that this is a bad thing, as many do because breaking a relationship is never a good feeling, but I would argue that this could actually be an opportunity to delve inside, and think about what the relationship actually provides.
As stated before, we as humans will take advantage of relationships for our benefit. Either for professional reasons or for mutual feelings. But this could also make our judgment lacking as we only take in the positive and not much on the negative. When in reality, the relationship could actually be harmful, toxic or just plain disadvantageous without us realizing. Hence, why this could be a chance for us to actually look inside the relationship and judge whether it’s worthy to continue pursuing or not. And this is why sometimes you just have to burn the bridge that you build together
Hear me out, that may sound cynical..or even selfish. But we have to also look out for ourselves and our time is limited. We cannot afford to give most of our time to people that don’t actually contribute much in the relationship, contributing does not necessarily have to be material wise, it could also how they help us grow as a person, how they help build our character, how they assist us when we need them or even how we want them to make us feel. Sometimes we get neither of those but don’t notice it because we were in cloud nine when we were with them.
I could even say that the fallout is inevitable, and could be a sign that we could do better when it comes to finding people we can trust ourselves with. Like a ticking time bomb ready to blow. A sudden realization that this relationship is not worth the time, and them breaking it off eases the process and is actually advantageous.
I will always say if a relationship is worth pursuing, you’ll know from the start. If it’s to be maintained then you’ll want to build it back again. But burning it down is definitely not a bad thing. As sometimes you have to put yourself first.
Feelings are fickle. They make us feel sad, lonely and want back that sense of false belonging, But once you start to count the numbers and notice that you get the short end of the stick more. You’ll eventually be glad that it is over with.
Some options that you have to consider whenever you should burn that bridge down can be as follows:
Are you being used or not?
The worst type of relationship if they get the best end of everything, but you are left with scraps or nothing at all. We want the relationship to work and we could give everything that we got to please them. Even worse if you’re a people pleaser, and you could just not see people frown even a bit. Your mind was too hazy to see that you actually didn’t gain much and you’re not growing as a person, you didn’t gain much monetary gain, the relationship soured, it could be one of these or could be all of them.
Are you becoming the worst version of yourself?
The best of people can bring the best of us, but the opposite can also happen. We sometimes get riled in the moment and forget that we used to be something better, but instead end up being the worst version of ourselves. We didn’t notice that we were exposed by the bad influences from the opposition and before you know it you have pushed everything good aside. You look at the mirror and you hate what you see, you don’t recognize yourself anymore.
You feel alone
The irony is that you end up handling everything by yourself. It’s great that we can be independent creatures, but doing everything by ourselves and leaving us with our own thoughts is the complete opposite of what a healthy relationship could be. Where are your supposed friends? Family? Or Significant other? What’s the point?
But of course, not everything stays bad. Eventually people change and can be better than what they used to be. But at least you’ll be more cautious, can prepare better boundaries and respect yourself for your time. Even if they want to connect again, it better be from them initiating first.. Remind yourself that even if the bridge can be rebuilt, you can still smell the ash from the previous one. Forgiveness is virtue, but it doesn’t mean you can’t be extra careful.
This may be an unpopular opinion.
